


i'll make this feel like home

by sawitinhereyes



Category: Friday Night Lights
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-15 21:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8072638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sawitinhereyes/pseuds/sawitinhereyes
Summary: he's got everything he's ever wanted right here in Dillon.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> follows tim riggins from the pilot throughout the series and beyond. tim/lyla throughout. basically I wrote this because it's the kind of fic I've been looking for. I've never posted anything before so go easy on me! enjoy :-)
> 
> { I own nothing }

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> { I own nothing }

\----

He feels different when she’s around.

It’s been that way for as long as he can remember. Even when she’s one half of _JasonandLyla_ , doodling “Mrs. Street” all over her notebooks in class and completely off-limits to him. Even when she and Six are making plans for college and picking out baby names or some shit. Even when Tyra warms his bed (and occasionally his heart).

Even before he knows he’s in love with her, he feels different around her. Lighter, somehow. Happier, maybe? She has this way of making him feel like he isn’t a total fuck-up, like maybe he’s worth at least a little sliver of something, without even trying. She just looks at him and shoots him a sweet little grin and he feels ten feet tall for the rest of the day.

He doesn’t know yet how much that look will affect him, and his life, and all the choices he makes.

\----

He’s had a hard life, and sometimes he can’t wait to get the hell out of this town, but some days he thinks he might stick around, because how much better can it get for him than football and beer and girls in Dillon?

 _Texas forever_ , he toasts, and everyone cheers, because it’s the goddamn _truth_. 

\----

When everything goes south and all of the sudden Jason Street isn’t _Jason Street_ anymore, he can’t bring himself to go the hospital. He pretends like he’s too drunk to care, but the guilt is eating him alive, and she sees right through him.

 _You know, Jason’s been asking about you_ , she says, and it feels like she punched him straight in the gut. But he declines her invitation because he just can’t face Jay. Not yet. Not when he still gets to put on those pads and play the game they both love while his best friend can’t anymore.

It’s the first time she ever looks truly, genuinely disappointed in him, and he feels like a piece of shit.

\----

He lets Tyra break up with him because he’s too drunk to remember that sometimes he actually cares about her, and sometimes she’s the only person who really cares about him. 

 _You’re just another mediocre football player who’s gonna grow up and drink himself to death._  

He knows she’s trying to hurt him, but he’s too drunk to feel it.

He goes to practice drunk the next day and Coach chews his ass out, so he walks off the field. He figures he’s got nothing left to lose, so what’s the point?

Until he wakes up the next morning, sober, and faces the reality that without Tyra, without Six, without football, he really does have nothing.

\----

Coach tells him to let himself off the hook, and somewhere along the lonely walk home in the rain, he does just that.

Then Lyla finds him on the side of the road, screaming at him like it’s all his fault, and he’s right back at square one. 

 _He’s never gonna walk again_ , she sobs, and if he kisses her back, it’s because she might be the only other person in the world who can understand what he’s going through. He tells himself that’s all it is.

He doesn’t try to figure out why he lets it go further than that. He’s afraid of what he might find if he digs too deep for the answer.

\----

 _I hate myself for the other night_ , she says, and she may as well have just ripped his heart out and stomped on it.

Because somewhere between that night and the moment she pulls him into that empty classroom, he’s realized he has feelings for her. Real feelings, not just the ones he gets for all the girls he’s with. Like, he thinks he might actually _love_ her, if he knew what that was supposed to feel like. 

But it’s Jason for her, just like it always has been. He doesn’t know why he ever thought that would change. They are _jasonandlyla_ , after all, and he’s just Tim.

He gets drunk that night and tells himself he doesn’t need her. He knows it’s a lie even as he thinks it, but he figures he’s gotta get used to lying to himself if he’s gonna move on.

\----

He shows up in her bedroom because he’s tried and tried and tried to drink it away, but he can’t get her out of his head. He knows it’s wrong, what they’ve done, but he can’t help the way he feels, and he’s always been a bit of a selfish bastard anyway.

 _Lyla_ , he breathes out, and when she kisses him back, he knows she feels it too, even if she won’t admit it.

\----

When she shows up at his house a few days later, it’s the first time _she’s_ sought _him_ out instead of the other way around, and it feels nice to be wanted, even if he knows she’s just using him.

\----

It’s exhilarating, sneaking around with her, and he decides he could get used to having her in his bed. He forgets for a moment that there’s a third person in this equation, that Street is the common thread that holds them together and that she’s not _his_ , not entirely. He supposes that’s okay, at least for now. He’ll take what he can get.

But then she breaks up with him, if you can call it that, and the fact that she’s still Jay’s girl hits him like a freight train.

 _I care about you, Tim. I do,_ she says.

She doesn’t say, _but I’m in love with Jason_. He hears it anyway.

\---- 

Without Jay around, it’s easy to forget that Lyla’s _his_ girl, easy to forget that the third factor in their messed up equation is his _best friend_. He doesn’t know when he lost sight of that, doesn’t know when he let _Lyla Garrity_ become more important than his best friend, his _brother_.

When he thinks about it more, he supposes maybe it was always there, and that makes him feel like absolute shit.

He tells himself that the ‘field trip’ with Jay isn’t to ease his guilty conscience, but because he misses his best friend. On some level he knows it’s the truth, but it’s hard to think straight with Lyla sitting in the truck between them like some sort of fucked up metaphor or whatever.

As the day goes on it feels more and more like old times, before everything changed, and he thinks maybe this is the way it’s supposed to be. When he says that shit about the three of them, that they can get through anything together, Lyla looks like she might not believe it, but Tim’s surprised to find that he does. He really does.

Saying goodbye to her in that parking lot feels too final for his liking, but he knows it’s for the best, so he just hugs her tight and doesn’t let go of her hand until he has to.

\----

Shit finally hits the fan, and he doesn’t feel relieved like he thought he might. He supposes he never truly thought Jay would find out, never really thought he’d ever have to face the consequences, even when Lyla shows up at his door all worried. Then Jay decks him at the rugby game, and it’s all over.

He’s more worried about Lyla than himself, really. She takes it pretty hard on the chin at school, because apparently _she’s_ the only one who did anything wrong. Stupid fucking backwards double standards. So he sits with her at lunch, even though he knows he’ll be ostracized by association. _Let them look, Lyla, I don’t care_. He thinks he’s being all noble and shit until she straight up tells him he’s not helping.

He can let her sulk and he can let her sit alone in the cafeteria, but he can’t let her quit the cheerleading squad. Maybe his motives are a bit selfish, but he knows she loves it, and he can’t be responsible for taking away _everything_ she loves. He can’t get Jay back for her – though that doesn’t stop him from trying – but this is something he can help with.

The way she hugs him when he shows up at her doorstep makes him feel like maybe he’s not a useless piece of shit. She gives him that look, the one that makes his heart flip over in his chest, and he has to walk away before he does something stupid like kiss her and tell her he loves her.

\----

Jason and Lyla are _JasonandLyla_ again, and he wants to be pissed off, but he has no right to be.

\----

He tries to make things right with Tyra because he knows he hurt her, and now that he’s doing his own schoolwork and trying not to drink so much, he thinks maybe he could actually be a good person if he tried. He doesn’t blame her for turning him down, and he thinks that it’s probably for the best. She deserves better.

Maybe he’s maturing or some shit, but he knows this mess is all his fault, and he’s got to live with it.

\---- 

 _JasonandLyla_ get engaged.

The not-drinking-so-much thing? Yeah, that seems like a fucking stupid idea right about now. 

\----

His dad turns out to be exactly the kind of asshole Billy warned him about, and he feels like such an idiot that he lets some meathead from the bar kick his ass just to prove himself right.

\----

His friendship with Six finally starts to mend itself, and he feels like maybe he’s getting his life back on track.

\----

He fixes Jackie’s gutter because he’s got a soft spot for the kid.

He sleeps with her because she’s starting to rely on him a little bit, and he likes knowing she trusts him, knowing she needs him.

When she breaks it off, she says it’s because Bo could get hurt, and he hates her a little bit for making him prove her right.

\----

He gets an assist on the game-winning touchdown at State, and Lyla and Jason watch him from the sideline and Billy and Jackie and Bo watch him from the stands, and he wonders if there’s ever been a better feeling than this moment right here, tries to soak it in because who knows if he’ll ever get it back.


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> { I own nothing }

\----

He spends his summer getting drunk and waking up with a different girl every morning, and he’d be lying if he says he doesn’t love every minute of it. Being a _State Champion Dillon Panther_ has a way of getting you anything you want, really, and he milks it while he can.

Seeing Lyla Garrity for the first time in three months passing out flyers in a parking lot is like a breath of fresh air, until she opens her mouth.

 _You’re still number one,_ he says, trying to snap her out of her funk. _Still the best I’ve ever had_. 

 _Enjoy your depraved hedonism_ , she snaps, and he wonders if that’s some kind of sick joke, considering what they did last year. How ironic.

\----

He knows she hates to ask for his help getting her dad home, but he’d never hesitate if she really needed him. Even with her newfound faith, she seems heavier, a little jaded, maybe. He thinks he probably has something to do with that.

He sees a little glimpse of the Lyla he used to know, by the lamplight in her dad’s apartment, and he can’t help but smile. He kisses her cheek, and he might be giving himself away when he lingers a beat too long, but he can’t find it in himself to care.

Because he loves her. He always has, and he probably always will, and all the time and distance between them has changed everything and nothing all at once.

\---- 

This new coach makes him wanna quit more than Coach Taylor ever did, and sitting in the ER with an IV attached to his arm, he seriously wonders if all the effort is worth it if MacGregor doesn’t care.

Lyla shows up – _as a friend_ , she insists – and tries to recruit him to her Jesus cult or whatever. Maybe it makes him a prick if he sees it as a chance to get closer to her, but he’s feeling a little lost (tries to pretend like she didn’t call him out, didn’t see right through him) and a little desperate and he’ll take whatever opening he can get.

The smile on her face when he shows up at church is worth it.

And okay, maybe showing up in her bedroom unannounced is a dumbass thing to do, but he really did feel something at church that night, and he really does want to talk about it with her. But she looks so sweet and understanding, and after everything Street said at his door a few days ago, it’s nice to see that familiar look on her face again, the one that says he’s _not_ a screw-up. 

So he tries to kiss her and sees his chance disappearing before his eyes, and he’s back to feeling lost again.

\----

Tim interprets _I hate your guts_ as _come with me to Mexico_. Naturally.

He doesn’t know what he thought Jay was getting himself into, but it becomes clear pretty quickly that whatever this procedure is, it’s too dangerous to let him go through with it.

He calls Lyla because he doesn’t know what else to do, doesn’t know who else can help.

And okay, maybe it’s not his brightest idea considering all their relationships are strained at the moment, but he meant it last year when he said the three of them could get through anything together. He and Lyla are the only ones who’ve seen Six through every stage of his injury and healing, and he knows they’re the only ones who can get through that thick skull of his. He feels better when she’s there, even if neither Jay nor Lyla are too pleased about it, but it’s a lot easier when he can share the burden of this whole situation with someone else.

When Jay throws himself off the side of the boat, Tim’s heart drops into his stomach, because this can’t be it, can’t be the way it ends. Lyla clings to him (and he clings to her, if he’s being honest with himself), and when they find him on that beach, Tim’s never felt so relieved in his life.

She kisses both of them at the bar that night, and maybe she’s a little tipsy, but he wonders if it’ll always be this way, if he’ll always have to share the girl he loves with his best friend.

\----

She asks him to help her with her charity project, this kid Santiago, and that’s when he realizes he’s a total fucking sucker for her, because the second she gives him that disappointed look, he decides he’ll do anything to wipe it off her face.

\----

No one seems to agree that his trip to Mexico wasn’t selfish and irresponsible. Apparently by traveling to a foreign country to save his best friend from a life-threatening decision he disrespected his coach, his team, his teachers, the entire town, it seems. (He doubts they’d feel that way if they knew Jay could have come back in a casket, but he wouldn’t wish for that, so.)

He helps this Santiago kid for Lyla, but maybe also for himself, too, because if Coach sees him putting in an effort, it might help his chances to get back on the team. And okay, he’s not a heartless jackass, so seeing the kid trying so hard makes it easy to want to help him. It doesn’t hurt when Smash and Seven join in, and when Coach walks by, he feels a little sliver of hope in his heart that maybe things are looking up.

\----

He leaves his house because this whole thing with Billy and Jackie just pisses him off. He feels betrayed and he’s just fed up with the whole situation.

Staying with Tyra was never the best idea, but it gives him some time to figure out what he’s gonna do. (He never actually planned on sleeping with Mindy, for the record.)

Maybe he should’ve done a little more research on this ferret guy, but at least he’s got a floor to sleep on and a roof over his head.

It’s not hard to figure out what kind of extracurricular activity this guy’s got going on. He thinks he knows even before he finds the trailer in the yard. But what choice does he have, really? He’s got no one else at this point, so he turns a blind eye.

\---- 

He shows up at practice because he _misses_ it. He misses the guys, and the feeling he gets when he makes a play for his team, and that adrenaline rush right before a game. 

The fact that it delays going back to the hellhole he’s living in for a few hours might play into it a little bit. 

He realizes now that while he knows he did the right thing, going to save Jay like that, he also neglected his responsibilities in the process. So he apologizes to each of his teammates individually, and Coach finally, _finally_ , gives him a break.

He’s grinning like an idiot when he takes his place for warm-ups, but he doesn’t care, because he’s _home_.

\----

He’s kind of the laughing stock of the athletic department, holding up scores at gymnastics meets and washing uniforms for the girls’ soccer team and collecting balls at volleyball games, but he doesn’t mind it so much. He knew Coach wouldn’t let him off the hook that easily, and it delays going home, so it’s alright.

\----

He knows he has no right to show up at the Taylors’ door when his living situation sours, so he sleeps in his car in front of their house instead.

He’s really got nowhere else to go, and he can’t, won’t wake up again with a shotgun pressed to his chest. That guy is batshit crazy and he never should have shacked up with him.

As he’s playing with baby Grace on the couch and looking around at the life the Taylors have, he thinks he could be happy like this one day. Married to a good woman, coaching ball, raising a couple kiddos. He’s never wanted much more than what he can get here in Dillon anyway.

\----

He takes Julie out because he sees her sulking over Seven, and he feels an obligation to Coach to help her out. He doesn’t see the harm in her having a few beers, until he remembers that she’s the _Coach’s daughter_ and she’s probably never had a sip in her life.

And yeah, it sucks that Coach finds them in a compromising position and assumes the worst, but he supposes he would feel the same way if it were his daughter. He knows trying to explain himself is useless, but he tries anyway, because Coach is one of the only adults in his life he actually respects.

He can’t fault Coach for kicking him out, but it sure does make his life a hell of a lot more difficult, because where the hell is he gonna sleep now?

\----

Apparently Billy’s not doing so great, because when he goes back to the house there’s an eviction notice on the door, and when he sees Jackie, she says they broke up and that Billy lost his job. Then he finds Billy on the front lawn, and Tim’s still hurting about the whole Jackie situation, but he’s always found it hard to hold a grudge.

He’s also kind of missed sitting around with his brother, drinking beer and moaning about life. It’s always been the two of them against the world, and now they’ve got this whole house situation to figure out, and it’s pretty easy to just settle back into old patterns.

He knows it’s wrong to steal the money from the ferret guy but honestly, he can’t think of any other way to pay the mortgage. And really, the guy probably owes it to him after the hell Tim went through living there anyway.

\---- 

It feels really good when Coach apologizes for the misunderstanding, and Tim didn’t realize how much the situation was weighing on him until that weight’s gone. He tries to pretend like he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, but really, all he wants is to do right by the people he cares about. And when Coach calls him an _honorable_ man, he decides maybe he’s doing better than he thinks.

\---- 

Lyla starts doing a Christian radio show. It’s pretty ridiculous, if you ask him.

When he calls the radio station, he’s really not trying to be an asshole, and he actually does think it’s funny. Until Jay calls him out on his bullshit. 

 _Is this your way of telling her you like her?_

And okay, maybe he shouldn’t be making fun of something that’s obviously really important to her, especially if he ever wants her to feel about him the way he still feels about her. But then she shows up at his door, genuinely upset with him, and there’s that look again. He kind of hates that she has the ability to make him feel about two feet tall.

He goes to the radio station with flowers because he wants to make it up to her, to show her that he loves that she’s following her passion, regardless of what anyone says about her, even him. He figures it’s about time he shows her how he really feels instead of hiding behind beer and football and charm.

And he should have known it wouldn’t work out in his favor, because that idiot kid from the radio station has his tongue down her throat, and it’s obvious that his feelings aren’t reciprocated.

He throws the flowers in the trash and goes home to crack open a beer and forget all about stupid Lyla and his stupid plan.

\---- 

He invites her over for dinner because he feels the need to fight for her, to show her that the dork from the radio station isn’t her only option, that he’s here if she wants him.

He doesn’t mean to tell her he loves her, but he can feel her slipping through his fingers, and he doesn’t know what else to do.

_I don’t feel the way you feel about me. Move on._

So that sucks, and he still feels like she’s not being honest with herself, but it’s not his problem anymore. He said his piece, and it’s time to let go.

\----

Ferret guy scares the shit out of him, honestly, and when he gets cornered in the parking lot, he wonders for the first time what the hell he was thinking, getting mixed up with a meth addict.

Lyla gives him the money, and he tries not to read into it but he can’t help it, because he loves her, and she’s sending mixed signals.

But he uses the money to settle up with ferret guy, and it’s not pretty, but at least it’s over.

\----

His little bender with Seven seems like a good idea until he sees Lyla and Christianson or whoever having a cute little lunch date, and he can’t help himself, he _has_ to say something.

She gives him that look again, that disappointed one, and he rolls his eyes, but a little piece of his heart breaks in his chest.

\----

He shows up at church every chance he gets, because he’s afraid if he just disappears into the shadows, like he’s prone to do, she’ll just forget about him. He can take her being annoyed with him, or angry, or even hating him, because at least then she’s thinking about him. But he can’t take her forgetting about him.

Then he goes a step further and gets his own radio show. He tells himself it’ll look good on a college application (ha), but really he just wants to get under the Christian kid’s skin. And maybe insert himself into their lives a little bit.

 _Are you really going to show up every Sunday?_ She asks when he shows up at church again.

 _Whatever it takes_ , he replies, and he means it.


	3. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> { I own nothing }

\----

They’ve been playing this cat-and-mouse game all summer, ever since she showed up on his doorstep just hours after breaking up with that Christianson guy in May. She’s never said why they broke up, but he has his suspicions.

Basically, every few days, one of them will cave and hunt the other down, they’ll have sex, and then she swears it’ll never happen again. (It’s never him doing the swearing.)

At least, that’s how it is for most of June. Then in July, it starts to feel like a real relationship. He’ll pick up Alamo Freeze for the two of them and bring it to her dad’s place, or she’ll pick up a six pack of beer and knock on his front door. One night they have a picnic on the football field and make love under the stars. (He can’t believe he just called it _making love_ , but if you ask him, that’s what it feels like.)

Just when he starts to hope maybe his luck is changing, school starts again. It’s like everything’s normal and then they walk into Dillon High and _bam_ – she’s pretending like nothing ever happened.

He thinks she just doesn’t care enough to want to be with him for real, thinks maybe he was just a summer fling to her, a rebound to get her mind off Christianson.

 _You scare me_ , she tells him in the hallway, and he’s not a dumbass. He knows what she means. She’s afraid she’ll put her trust in him and he’ll revert to his old habits, to sleeping with every Rally Girl who offers and showing up to school drunk. She’s afraid to get hurt, afraid to get her heart broken. 

Which, to Tim, just means she’s already given him her heart and, with it, the power to break it.

But he won’t. He doesn’t wanna be that guy anymore, and hasn’t for a long time, not with her. He wants it all, the whole boyfriend-girlfriend deal, in a way he never has before. But she’s amazing, and he wants to be good enough to be seen with her, to have her show him off, even though he knows he’ll never quite measure up.

So he corners her at the party after the game, plays it her way. Says he doesn’t mind if all they ever do is sneak around, as long as she’s happy.

 _Do you really want the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing?_ She asks him.

 _Yes_ , he replies, and he knows the grin on his face must make him look stupid.

It’s worth it when she plants one on him, right there in front of most of Dillon, and he feels like the luckiest guy in Texas.

\----

He’s fucking annoyed when Billy finds the letter of interest from OU and shows it to Lyla, because now not only is Billy gonna be on his ass about college, but so is Lyla.

College has always been her future. He always knew she’d go, whether she followed Jason wherever he went (Tim doesn’t think he ever actually saw that happening) or went somewhere for herself, she’s always planned for college. 

Tim never once thought about it until that letter showed up in his mailbox, and it scared the shit out of him.

He’s always thought he’ll graduate from high school (maybe) and stay in Dillon. Maybe live with Billy, maybe find a good woman to settle down with. (In a perfect world it’d be Lyla, but everyone knows she’s meant for more than this town.) He figures maybe Coach’ll let him help coach the Panthers, or he’ll open his own auto repair shop, or whatever the hell he wants. You don’t need a fancy college education to make something of yourself in Dillon.

College has never been an option for him, financially or otherwise, so he’s never considered it. But that letter – that letter changes everything. He’s never thought football would be anything more than a high school memory, but apparently football is gonna shake up his entire future.

And now Lyla’s got him going to this fancy restaurant with some guy who can apparently help him with OU, when he’s not even sure he cares. He feels like he’s just proved to Lyla that he’s good enough to be her boyfriend, and now she’s trying to shove him up the ladder as far as she can, further than he really wants to go. He orders _squab_ , for fuck’s sake.

So he makes an ass of himself, and when he says maybe they should just end it, she says _maybe we should_. When she gets out of the car he feels a little piece of his heart break, because he didn’t mean it.

She obviously didn’t either, because she shows up at his house with burgers for the two of them, and she’s smiling at him like she doesn’t care that he couldn’t cut it at a fancy restaurant with that fancy McCoy guy, like she doesn’t care that he doesn’t quite fit into her world. Even with him standing there, looking like an idiot in his button down shirt and tie with no pants on, she gives him that look, and he’s on top of the world.

\----

He feels bad for standing her up at the team party, and he shows up on her doorstep to tell her so.

He feels even worse when her voice shakes and her pretty eyes shimmer with tears. She says she knows he’s a good guy, that she tells everyone so, asks him not to make a fool of her.

It’s the first time in his life he’s ever felt like someone’s in his corner, like someone believes he can be a decent person. He’s determined to prove her right.

\---- 

Smash finally gets to go to college, gets to walk on at A&M, and Tim starts to wonder if maybe he can have a future like that, too.

\---- 

He takes Young Gun McCoy under his wing and tries to show him a good time, but the kid’s so far up his daddy’s ass he can’t see the sun. He remembers what that’s like, and his dad was a shithead, so he figures McCoy’s dad can’t be much better. (It’s cynical, he knows, but when you’ve had a life like his, it’s hard not to be.)

He shows McCoy _his_ Dillon, tries to earn the kid some respect among his teammates, and then Daddy McCoy comes into the locker room and drags him out of there like a puppy on a leash.

At least Tim tried.

\----

Lyla asks him to the dance in that pretty green dress, her hair down and wild, that sweet little smile on her face. How the hell is he supposed to say no?

But when McCoy says he’s not having fun, he hears Coach’s voice in the back of his head, and yeah, he sees the disapproving look on Lyla’s face, but he’s been given _explicit_ instructions to make a man out of this kid. He’s just following Coach’s orders.

(Really, he just doesn’t want to waste a night dancing with his girl in the school gym when he can dance with her just fine in someone’s living room, preferably with a few beers in his system.)

And yeah, okay, maybe dragging McCoy home drunk before the _dance_ is even over isn’t what Coach meant, but Tim’s never been good at the whole ‘good, clean fun’ kinda thing. Coach should’ve expected this, really.

\----

He kinda hates his friends for putting this highlight reel thing together, because he’s actually starting to believe this college thing might work out, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.

But it does feel pretty good to hear the nice things Coach had to say about him.

\----

It’s his idea to flip Buddy Garrity’s house, but Street’s the one who does all the leg work to get the ball rolling. And Tim gets it, he does. He’s got a family to support, gotta show Erin he can make something of himself. So Jay gets them the house, and then they realize they have no fucking clue what they’re doing.

And then Erin decides she’s moving back east, regardless of how the house thing goes, and Jay feels like shit, so Tim feels like shit by default. He feels an obligation to his best friend to make it work, especially since the brunt of the workload falls on him and Billy. (No offense, or anything, but he definitely should’ve thought about the fact that two of his business partners are in _wheelchairs_ and therefore can’t really do shit in terms of manual labor.)

By some fucking miracle they actually pull it off, and they’re all fifteen grand richer, and Street decides to use his share to move to New Jersey to be with Erin and his kid.

Tim can’t be mad, but he can sure as hell be sad. It sucks to lose your best friend, because even if they’ll always be friends, it won’t ever be the same.

 _Texas forever_.

If there are tears on his cheeks, well, no one’s around to see them.

\----

He blows off the San Antonio State recruiter because he’s fucking _nervous_ , okay? And beer has always been his best coping mechanism, and he knows it’s stupid but he doesn’t know any other way.

Lyla’s pissed, and he doesn’t blame her. She believes in him, and she wants him to be better than this town, better than Dillon. Maybe he’s just afraid that he’s not worth her time and effort, that he’ll let her down. 

That’s probably it. It’s fucking pathetic and he hates himself for it, but he can’t help the way he feels. 

But this recruiter won’t give up on him, says he’s their _number one priority_. He doesn’t think he’s ever been anyone’s _number one priority_ in his life.

So he makes it happen. He signs the papers, makes it happen, and she’s the only person he wants to tell.

 _I wouldn’t be here without you_ , he tells her honestly, and it takes a little more convincing than he thought, but she’s happy for him, like _genuinely_ proud of him, and her smile makes him feel like a million bucks.

(He also thinks she’s fucking adorable when she’s hungover, and is it weird that he finds her alcohol-soaked morning breath kinda sexy?)

\----

Buddy Garrity fucks up. Like, he fucks up on a level a Riggins brother has never known, and that’s saying something.

He doesn’t give a shit about Buddy Garrity and his business deals, but that’s Lyla’s college fund he pissed away, and Tim cares about ( _loves_ ) Lyla, so yeah, he’s fucking pissed. Tim has no problem kicking that sorry bastard off his front porch, because Lyla’s upset, she’s _crying_ (if Tim has a weakness, it’s tears), and he can’t fucking concentrate on comforting his girl when Buddy Garrity is banging down his front door. 

(And okay, there’s a little, selfish sliver of him that’s maybe a tiny bit relieved she can’t afford Vanderbilt anymore, because she got in, and he’s _so_ damn proud of her, but Nashville’s a long fucking drive from San Antonio.)

She drinks too much beer (like he’s one to talk) and stays up too late playing Mario Kart with Billy, and she smiles and laughs but it’s just the alcohol. The light in her eyes has dimmed, and it breaks his heart a little bit, because she deserves better.

He hates seeing her this way. He really just wants to see her smile again, for real.

So he decides to help Buddy Garrity out. For Lyla’s sake.

He takes her to her childhood church in an attempt to make her smile, and all it does is make her cry. He knows it’s not about him, but he feels like shit anyway.

 _I have no family_.

It breaks his heart a little bit more, because she deserves _better_.

\----

He’s not much for speeches, but he gives her a damn good one about how she can still do this, she can still make it happen. He truly believes she can, if she really wants to.

(He throws in that bit about San Antonio State because he can, and because it’s true.)

He doesn’t really think before he speaks, just says what he feels. Maybe that’s why he blurts out that he’s _kinda madly in love with_ her. He thinks for a split second he’s said too much, but he can’t bring himself to take it back, because it’s probably the truest, most honest thing he’s ever said.

She’s got tears in her eyes for the best reason possible when she leans in to kiss him, whispers _I love you, too_ against his lips, and he decides there’s no better feeling in the world than this one right here.

\----

She moves back in with her dad, and his bed’s a little colder at night, but it’s okay, because she’s where she’s supposed to be.

\---- 

It sucks to lose State, but he’s at peace with it. He gave it everything he had, and they put up a good fight. Hell, they beat the odds just to make it there in the first place, so he can’t be upset about a close loss. It doesn’t matter anyway, because he’ll always be proud to be a Dillon Panther. 

He leaves his cleats on the field in Austin, and he’ll deny it for months to come, but it’s kind of a metaphor, because he’s already left the game behind.

\----

He knows the second he sees her face when Principal Taylor calls her name next to _San Antonio State University_ at the Senior Breakfast that she won’t be with him next year.

She doesn’t know it yet, hasn’t even considered the possibility, but there’s a reason they haven’t even looked into housing, or talked about anything in any certain terms. It’s because she’s not going.

Vanderbilt has always been her dream, and if her dad can make it happen for her, she needs to go. She has to make her dreams come true, for both their sakes.

 _I’m not gonna be that guy that stops you from achieving your dreams._  

He doesn’t really consider himself a noble guy, but he loves her enough to let her go, because he knows it’s the right thing for her.

Now if only he can figure out the right thing for himself.


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> { I own nothing }

\----

Tim Riggins is not college material.

He’s known this from the beginning. He doesn’t know why he ever let Billy or Lyla or Six or Coach or anyone else convince him otherwise. Yeah, there’s parties and alcohol and women and football, but the parties are lame, he can find alcohol and women in Dillon, and football? Football was never supposed to be his future, not after high school anyway. He left his cleats on the field in Austin, damn it.

He’s sitting in class with this teacher (sorry, _professor_ ) droning on and on about how _heroes have a journey_ , and how everyone has to go home at some point, and he can’t figure out what the hell he’s doing here.

Dillon is his home. It’s where he’s meant to be. He knows everyone will tell him he’s wrong, but he’s more sure about this than he’s ever been about anything in his life.

He tosses his books out the window on the highway and he smiles, because he’s free, and he’s going home.

\----

Billy and Mindy are less than pleased when he shows up on their doorstep. And okay, he didn’t expect some sort of hero’s welcome, but he figured his brother would at least be happy to see him. But they just give him that look, the look that he knows means they think he’s screwing up his whole life in one swift motion, but for the first time, he just shrugs it off.

It’s his life. _His_. Not Billy’s, not Mindy’s, not Lyla’s. Hell, Lyla took off to Nashville and dropped him like a hot potato, so why the hell does he owe her anything anyway?

(Fuck, he misses her.)

\---- 

There’s some sort of strange noise coming from the kitchen, the kitchen of the unfamiliar house he wakes up in with a mess of red hair across his chest, and his head is pounding, and who the _fuck_ is singing the national anthem at this hour?

Apparently the redhead has a teenaged daughter. She’s kinda cute, he guesses, if he were into jailbait, which he’s definitely not.

_So what’s it like being the guy who used to be Tim Riggins?_

He decides that Becky is fucking annoying, because she managed to grab hold of all his deepest insecurities and smack him right in the face with them, and he’s hardly known her for an hour.

\----

The Lions suck, and it’s a damn shame that any team with Dillon in the name has to even consider forfeiting a game. So he offers to help Coach out, because he misses the game like he never thought he would, and he figures at least this way he can be part of something, part of a team. Be _good_ at something again, and have everyone look at him like he’s not a total fuck up.

\---- 

His string of sleepovers has been fun, but he actually really does need a place to stay, so when the cute redhead offers him the trailer in her backyard, he can’t really say no.

It’s not much, but he’s got his own space and he’s doing it on his own, and there’s something really cool about that.

\----

He likes Cafferty, he does, but kid’s got a bit of an entitlement issue. Tim knows because he used to have a bit of one, too. Poor, pitiful Luke Cafferty, going from the top of the mountain as a West Dillon Panther to the bottom of the heap as an East Dillon Lion. Like Coach should take some sort of special interest in him because of his sad little situation. _Boo fucking hoo_. Tim doesn’t have any sort of patience for it, really, and neither does Coach. 

But he sees a little bit of himself in the kid, because Cafferty loves the game. He loves the team, the camaraderie, the rush of adrenaline under the Friday night lights. Yeah, he wants a scholarship, but he also just loves football. Tim thinks he can work with that.

\----

He can tell Becky has a little crush on him, and it makes him uncomfortable, to be perfectly honest. He doesn’t know what to do or how to act when she starts talking a mile a minute, asking him which dress he prefers or calling him _Tim Riggins_ all the time like he’s some kind of celebrity.

 _Maybe it would be more efficient if you_ were _my boyfriend_.

What the fuck is he supposed to say to that? Because _you’re fucking insane_ might hurt her feelings just a little bit.

He throws in that little bit about Cafferty because he couldn’t help the kid out with Coach, but he can try to maybe throw him an assist with the girl he likes. And maybe if the two of them hook up, she’ll stop all this giggly schoolgirl crush shit he doesn’t know what to do with. Jesus fucking Christ.

\---- 

He takes Becky pageant dress shopping because he can’t have her clogging up his doorway with her tears. (What? Girls and tears have always been his kryptonite. He can’t be held responsible for the decisions he makes under that kind of pressure.)

He’s about negative five thousand percent qualified to help her pick out a dress, but he does know a thing or two about absentee parents, so he figures he can at least help her out with that part.

He ends up cracking jokes instead because at least if she’s smiling he doesn’t feel like a completely useless jackass.

\----

Apparently being married means Billy doesn’t have control of his own life anymore, so Tim lets Seven come hunting with him, because hunting alone is boring as shit. The kid’s actually pretty good company, as long as he doesn’t have a gun. It’s nice to have someone who doesn’t want to bite his head off for complaining about college and how much he hated it.

But then the idiot opens his mouth, says, _you miss Lyla, though?_ , and God, why the hell did Tim invite him again? 

That’s what it all boils down to, though, isn’t it? Lyla was the whole reason he even went to college, because of some twisted desire he had to be _good enough_ for her. And it was all fine and dandy when they were going together, but then he had to go and tell her to go to Vanderbilt, like a fucking martyr or some shit. She may have cried when they said goodbye, but he knows she was smiling behind the wheel of her car all the way to Nashville.

Which is great, you know? He really does hope she’s happy. It fucking sucks for him, but he knows she’s exactly where she should be. She’s probably already taking over the whole campus and meeting all these rich, snooty college boys who won’t order fucking _squab_ at a fancy restaurant, boys who know how to fit into her world in a way he never could.

He _misses_ her, though. Every second of every minute of every day, even though he’ll never admit it.

What’s that saying? Something about loving someone and setting them free?

He just hopes she comes back to him in the end, because if she doesn’t, then maybe she was never really his in the first place, and fuck, he needs another beer.

\----

The look on Becky’s face when she sees the empty seat next to him at the pageant, the one reserved for her dad, makes his heart drop into his stomach.

He’s fucking annoyed when she calls him at the wake for Saracen’s dad, but then he remembers that look on her face, so he lightens his tone, tells her how great she did. He hears the smile in her voice and wonders if maybe he said too much, gave her the wrong impression, but he’ll deal with that later, he guesses.

\----- 

He teams up with Billy and Lance to get Seven drunk, because in Tim Riggins’ world, beer can solve any kind of problem, at least for the moment.

They all sober up pretty quick at the look on Saracen’s face when he sees his dad in that casket, and he pretty much hates himself for coming up with this stupid idea in the first place. He doesn’t know why anyone bothers to listen to him when all his bright ideas are beer-induced.

Naturally, the way to cope with his feelings about the whole thing is to have another beer in the backyard. Becky sits herself down next to him, and he doesn’t wanna say it, but her second-runner-up (third place) finish in the pageant is a pretty stupid thing to complain about after what he saw tonight.

He lets her kiss him for a minute, because she cares about him and it’s nice, but he sees someone else’s face in his mind, and it can’t happen, it just can’t.

\----

Of course the first time he sees her again is at the funeral. He knew she’d be back, heard Buddy Garrity practically yelling it around town with a megaphone, but he never thought the first time he saw her face in two months would be at the fucking _funeral_.

He sucks it up for the moment, because Seven’s his friend, and the guy is clearly hurting. She may consume his every waking thought, but he can push her aside for today. She’s been able to do it for the last two months, so it can’t be too hard.

But then she shows up at his doorstep, and he swears to God in heaven she’s a thousand times more beautiful than the day she left him. How the fuck is that possible? How is that _fair_?

He doesn’t know what to say to her, because all he wants to do is lock her in his trailer and give her all of the seven thousand reasons why she shouldn’t go back to Nashville, why she needs to stay in Dillon, stay with him. So he kisses her and drags her into his bed, because he figures if she’s not gonna stay with him forever, he can at least remind her what she’s missing.

 _I go back to school in three days_ , she says, as if that’s supposed to be a reason why they shouldn’t see each other again. Three days just means he’s got a lot to accomplish in a short window of time, so he’s gotta get started.

\----

Coach asks he and Billy to suit up and practice with the team, and he’s never been so happy to put on pads and a helmet in his entire life. There’s no pressure to perform, to impress anybody, it’s just _fun_.

(It doesn’t hurt that he overhears the kids whining about how fast he is. _Damn straight_. He’s Tim fucking Riggins, State Champion Dillon Panther, and he’s still got it.)

\----

He doesn’t want Lyla to ride the bull at the bar because it’s dangerous and he doesn’t want anything to happen to that pretty face of hers.

It also maybe reminds him too much of what life would be like if she didn’t live 849 miles away. (He may have looked it up a time or two, just for reference.)

She’s so fucking cute when she falls off that he can’t help but smile. He goes to help her off the floor and she just looks at him all sweet. _You missed me._

All this time and she still sees through him like glass.

\----

_What do you want?_

He doesn’t hesitate.

_You._

He watches her face carefully, watches the emotion cloud her eyes before she swallows it down.

_What else do you want?_

This time he hesitates, because he knows what she means, but he only knows of one thing he really wants, so he just goes with raw honesty.

_You._

\----

He fucking hates the feeling in the pit of his stomach when he wakes up on the morning she’s set to leave. 

It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair at all. She waltzes back into town, back into his heart, sleeping in his bed like it’s where she’s meant to be, kissing him like he still means anything to her at all. 

(Okay, now he’s the one not being fair. He knows she cares about him. She probably still loves him, even. It’s just not enough.)

He kisses her forehead instead of her lips at the bus station because if he kisses her for real he won’t be able to stop. 

 _Goodbye Lyla Garrity_.

\---- 

Becky’s in his ear asking if she’s the love of his life, and he doesn’t like the answer, so he doesn’t give it to her. 

Because yeah, she’s the love of his life, but she’s also the one that got away, and that just fucking sucks.

\----

Becky’s dad is Walt 2.0. Tim knows it the second the guy pulls into the driveway and gives her a teddy bear. A fucking _teddy bear_ , like she’s five and he went away for the weekend or some shit. Dumbass.

Then Tim finds out the guy’s got a whole other family up north, and it’s none of his business, really, but he knows how it felt when his dad picked golf and beer over his sons. He can’t imagine how much it’ll hurt Becky that her dad has chosen another _kid_ over her. 

He doesn’t mean to tell her, and he doesn’t want to hurt her, but he can’t bear to see her get her hopes up about her dad coming back when it’s never gonna happen. It fucking sucks to see her cry, but she deserves to know the truth.

(Honestly, he doesn’t hate that he gets to beat the shit out of that asshole. Not one bit.)

\---- 

He doesn’t get the dog for Becky, he gets the dog for himself. He could use the company, to be honest.

\----

He’s never thought about buying his own piece of land, never really thought that would ever be an option for him. But when he stumbles across 25 acres of perfection, he thinks he can actually _see_ his future on that land. A house he can build with his own two hands up on the hill, a beautiful woman in a rocking chair on the front porch, a few munchkins chasing Skeeter around the lawn. It would be a simple life, but he thinks it would be a damn good one.

He’s just gotta come up with 38 grand and the dream is his.

 _Shit_.

\----

He takes Becky to see his land because she’s nosy and annoying and he actually really wants to share it with someone.

He lets her kiss him a little longer this time, because she believes in him, and there’s only one other person in his life he could say that about, and she’s not here, so.

\---- 

Billy’s a fucking idiot, but they’re brothers, and finding another job isn’t as easy as he thought it would be, so he doesn’t really have a choice. He figures he’ll make his two months’ worth of money, buy his land, and get the hell out of dodge. He doesn’t like it, but he’s desperate, and this is his ticket to freedom.

\---- 

She’s _pregnant_. She’s _pregnant_ , and all he can think is God, she’s so young. Too young and sweet and innocent. And yeah, they may have kissed a few times, but she’s like a little sister to him, really, and his heart is fucking breaking in his chest right now, because she’s _so damn young_. She’s got so much life ahead of her to live, and this changes _everything_. 

She won’t tell her mom, and he’s fucking useless, so he goes to Principal Taylor. He knows he’s putting her in a horrible situation but he doesn’t know what else to do, doesn’t know who else can help.

It’s a lose-lose-lose situation. She gets rid of it, she has to live with that for the rest of her life. She keeps the baby, she has to take care of it for the rest of her life. She gives it up for adoption and she’s always gonna wonder what could have been. It fucking sucks and he hates that she has to go through it. 

But she’s made her decision, and her mom takes her to the clinic, and that’s that.

God, she’s _so damn young_. Life shouldn’t be that hard when you’re that young.

\----

38 grand, in cash, paid. And just like that, he’s a landowner. A bonafide Texas landowner. 

\---- 

He takes Bex and Cheryl out to celebrate. They’ve been so good to him for the past couple of months, giving him a place to stay and letting him butt into their business all the damn time. He figures a nice dinner is the least he can do.

It doesn’t feel right to get involved with Cheryl on any level, especially when he knows Becky’s got a little thing for him, and he’s not exactly innocent in that whole equation, so. It’s just better to keep things simple. 

(He can’t believe he just turned down a beautiful, willing woman. Maybe he’s maturing or some shit.)

\----

Turns out Cheryl’s a crazy jealous bitch, and just like that, he’s homeless.

(At least he gets his stuff back and he gets to keep the dog.)

\----

Being an uncle is pretty damn cool, and watching Billy with his wife and his son reminds Tim that he wants all that someday. He wants it all, and he wants it with Lyla.

Damn it. Where’s that beer when he needs it?

\----

Just when things were starting to look promising for him. Just when he could finally see his future laid out in front of him, when he finally started to get his shit together. 

Just when he’s finally figured it out.

Of course that’s when everything goes sideways.

\----

He sits in that meeting with the public defender, hears him say one to five years, sees the look on Billy’s face, watches Mindy soothe his nephew in the rocking chair, and he knows what he has to do.

\----

Becky basically tells him he’s a worthless piece of trash and he’s never felt lower in his life. He’s let her down, big time, and he knows he doesn’t deserve to be in her life. At all. But he goes to her house anyway, not to explain himself, but so he can make sure she’ll be taken care of while he’s away. 

Because he loves her. Not in a silly romantic way or anything, but she’s the little sister he never had. He cares about her, cares what happens to her, wants her to know that even if he’s not there to take care of her, she’ll always have someone in her corner, because they’re family.

He gives her the snow globe to remind her of the guy he was in her eyes, the guy he wants to be. He’s hoping by the time he comes back for it, he’ll be that guy again.

\----

_I did it. I did it all._

He’s been repeating the words in his head for the last week, trying to make it sound convincing so the cops don’t ask any questions.

Billy cries, so Tim cries, because they’re brothers and it’s always been the two of them against the world. Billy took care of him when their dad left, gave him a roof over his head and food to eat (read: beer to drink). Billy may have also gotten them into this mess, but Tim knows he owes Billy his life, and he figures this is one way to repay him. 

One glance in the bedroom at his brother and his family, and he knows he’s making the right decision.

He tosses his brother the keys to his truck, the keys to his life as he knows it, and doesn’t look back again.


	5. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> { I own nothing }

\----

Nine months.

It hasn’t been terrible, if he’s being honest. It could be a lot worse. He goes about his business, does as he’s asked, keeps his head down and tries not to bother anybody. Most of the guys are alright.

The only time it gets hard is when someone he loves has to see him this way, has to see him in that stupid white jumpsuit (he’d prefer the orange, really). He supposes that’s why he’s started pushing everyone away. Telling Billy not to come so often, and Becky, too. He’s just sick of that look they give him every single time. It’s full of pity and sadness and he just wants it to fucking _stop_.

It’s not like he’s innocent. He chose to go into business with Billy, _chose_ to partake in the chop shop even when Billy asked him not to. Just like it was his decision to take the fall and leave his brother out of it completely. He made his bed, and now he’s lying in it. He’s come to peace with all that. He needs everyone else around him to do the same.

\---- 

He knows she must know where he is. She probably came to see her dad for Christmas, after all, and there’s no doubt Buddy Garrity wasted no time spreading the good news to his daughter. He thought maybe once she knew she might write him a letter, or even come visit. (He doesn’t want her to come visit, but it would be nice if she at least _tried_.)

Nine months, and nothing. He doesn’t know what to think about that.

\----

Tim feels like Billy owes it to him to stand up and speak on his behalf at the parole hearing. He also doesn’t feel like he can trust Billy not to screw it up.

Okay, yeah, prison has turned him into a bitter son of a bitch, and maybe he’s feeling like Billy hasn’t appreciated what Tim did for him like he should have. Maybe it’s not fair, but in Tim’s mind, Billy should have fucking changed the world or something with the chance Tim gave him.

(Did he mention he was a little bit bitter?)

\----

He expects Billy to choke, and he expects Coach to be honest and convincing.

He does not expect _Buddy Garrity_ to be the testimony that turns the tide in Tim’s favor.

\----

Being home is fucking weird.

He’s a little overwhelmed by it all, by how big Stevie is now and how good it feels to be wearing normal clothes again and how some things haven’t changed at all but some things have.

Like why the fuck is Becky waiting tables at the _Landing Strip_? And why hasn’t Cafferty talked her out of it?

Why is Mindy still stripping for tips to help keep them afloat? What the hell did Tim go to jail for if Billy hasn’t improved his life one single ounce?

_We had a deal. I screw up my life, you fix yours._

Billy asks how long Tim’s gonna hold it over his head, and Tim says _the rest of my life_. He doesn’t think he really means it, but it feels like the right answer, so that’s what he says.

\----

He’s really messed things up for Becky, and he kinda hates himself for it. He’s already put her through too much. She deserves to be happy, even if that means she’s waiting tables at the Landing Strip and sucking face with Cafferty for the rest of forever. 

The sucking face thing is okay, he thinks. But he walks in on something that is probably going further than _sucking face_ , and considering what happened the last time they did that, he’s a little surprised Becky’s letting it go that far. 

_Use protection this time, my friend._

That was probably a jackass thing to say, he thinks once he’s in the shower, but someone had to say it.

\----

She’s fucking _seventeen years old_ and she should not have slimy assholes sticking dollar bills in her bra, so yeah, he gets a little angry.

As he’s escorted out of the bar by security, he thinks that maybe if he didn’t _care_ so damn much maybe he wouldn’t get himself into so much trouble.

So he stops caring.

\----

The whole _not caring_ thing doesn’t last as long as he wanted it to, because Tyra’s back. 

Tyra, the first girl to make him feel like something more than just a small-town screw-up.

(Okay, maybe that other girl did a little more than that, actually pushed him to _be_ something more. But he hasn’t heard from her in over a year, so. Lyla who?)

She’s the only one who doesn’t treat him like a charity case just because he’s done time, so he wants to keep her around, tries to convince her to stay. Maybe sex isn’t the way to do that, but it worked a little better this time than it did the last time he tried it (with that other girl), so.

\----

Cafferty asks him for advice about college, about college _football_ , and Tim almost laughs because what the hell does he know about college ball?

So he tells the kid what he does know. He tells him to play the state championship like it’s his last game ever, like he’ll never lace up and play under the lights again. He tells him to soak it all in, enjoy it, and don’t take it for granted. 

 _Then let it go, and move on_.

It’s probably not what Cafferty wanted to hear, but it’s the best he’s got, and he thinks it’s pretty damn good advice, so he’ll stand by it. He can’t give advice about a lot of things, but leaving the game behind is something he knows how to do all too well.

\----

It’s not until he’s relaying the story to Tyra – the _real_ story, not the one they told the cops – that he remembers why he _really_ went to prison for Billy.

It was for Stevie. Because Tim and Billy never had a father, and Stevie deserves more than that. Mindy deserves to have her husband, and Stevie deserves to have a father who loves him and cares about him. Billy is _not_ their father, and Tim wanted to keep it that way. And he succeeded. 

He feels the weight of the bitterness and the anger lift off his heart, at least a little bit, and he figures it’s about time he took his own advice.

 _Let it go, and move on_.

\----

He doesn’t know why he keeps talking all this bullshit about Alaska. Fuck, he’s not moving to goddamn _Alaska_. Jesus Christ, why does anyone ever listen to him anyway?

He’s got everything he needs right here in Dillon, just like he’s always known. He’s got his brother, and his nephew, and his sister-in-law and Becky and Coach and even Tyra, if he can be just a little bit more convincing.

And he’s got his land. His land that he thinks is his ticket to starting over. He can build his house here, just like he wanted. He can have a place that’s all his own, that he built with his own two hands. And if he’s lucky, he can share it with a beautiful woman and a few little rugrats.

(For the first time in a long time, the woman he sees in that scenario isn’t Lyla. Who would’ve thought?)

\----

Tyra’s got dreams. She’s got ambitions and goals and he admires that, he really does. He’s not gonna try to stand in her way. But she makes it sound like the odds are good that she’ll come back, that she might even come back _for him_ , so it’s a lot easier to let her go that way.

 _Maybe one day our dreams can merge together_.

One day.


	6. beyond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this part's all me, so forgive the fluff. :-)
> 
> { I own nothing }

\----

Tyra does come back, after she’s graduated from UT Austin with a counseling degree and nabs Mrs. Taylor’s old job as guidance counselor at Dillon High, just like she wanted. 

They’ve been doing this on and off thing for the last couple of years, he and Tyra. She’ll come home for breaks and they’ll hang out, and sometimes it even feels like they’re a real couple. Then she’ll go back to school and he’ll go back to his life, until she comes back home again.

So when she comes home for good, he figures it’s only fitting they pick up where they left off.

\---- 

His house is finally finished, and it’s fucking beautiful. It took him two long years to build it from the ground up, but he did it with his own two hands. (Billy helped a lot and even Street pitched in, when he came to town every so often, but it’s his house, okay? He can take all the credit if he wants to.) He’s never been more proud of anything in his life, and he wants to share it with the people he cares about. He wants to share it with Tyra. 

So she moves in with him, and they start a nice little life together. He doesn’t know where the future’s gonna take them – they haven’t really talked about it – but he likes waking up to her in the morning and he likes coming home to her at night, and he thinks he’d maybe like to live this way for the rest of his life. He thinks he could be really happy this way, so he’s gonna try real hard not to screw it up for himself.

\----

This new big-shot business guy comes to town and builds a big department store on the outskirts of town, and everyone treats him like some sort of hero, but he’s really a fucking asshole. He’s young, educated and arrogant, and he sets his sights on Tyra the second he drives into town in his shiny new Camaro.

Tim should know he doesn’t stand a chance.

\----

She moves all her stuff out on a Sunday in November and all of the sudden his house just doesn’t feel like home anymore.

He packs a bag and gets in his truck and just _drives_. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he’s gotta get out of Dillon, at least for a little while. He just can’t walk around town and see them laughing and kissing and fucking frolicking through flowers or whatever the fuck they do together.

Maybe he’s a little predictable for finding his way to Nashville, but it’s been a few years, and he can admit to himself now that he misses Lyla. Not in a romantic way, or anything stupid. He knows he has no right to expect anything from her, not after all this time. But they were friends once, before everything happened, and he misses that. 

He knocks on the door of the last address he has for her and she answers looking more beautiful than she has any right to be, and she smiles and throws her arms around him like he’s just come home from war or something. _I missed you_ , she laughs in his ear, and he can’t help but smile.

\----

Lyla asks a lot of fucking questions. What’s he doing here, how long’s he staying, what’s going on back home, how’s his life?

Jesus fucking Christ, where does he start?

So they talk about it all over beers at her favorite little hole in the wall down the street from her apartment. He tells her about how he got himself locked up, how he’s turned his life around since then. How he’s volunteer coaching peewee ball and working at her dad’s bar, and thinking maybe he wants to help coach the Panthers in the near future, and she smiles at him, and he knows she’s proud of him. 

He tells her the Tyra story, and she buys a round of shots.

She’s doing alright, she tells him. She gave up the med school dream after she shadowed a doctor and hated it, and when she almost failed organic chemistry, she took it as a sign. She’s finishing up her last year of her major in early childhood education and already has job offers from schools all over the Nashville area, and he’s proud of her, too, he decides. He’s proud of both of them.

If he kisses her in the doorway to her apartment, it’s because the beer is clouding his judgment (what else is new) and she looks like Texas in her green dress and her boots, and well, he’s never been able to help himself around Lyla Garrity anyway. 

\---- 

He spends a week on her couch.

(If he had it his way, he’d be in her bed, too, but his heart’s a little mangled and he doesn’t want to screw this up, so he figures he’s better off keeping his hands to himself.)

He lets her show him around campus and introduce him to her friends, and they’re actually pretty damn cool people. He feels like he could actually fit in around here if he really tried. 

But he’s trying to be better, and he’s got responsibilities in Dillon he needs to get back to. He was able to get the week off just by making a few phone calls, but if he pushes it any further he’s gonna let some people down, and he’s not that guy anymore.

She kisses him by his truck, short and sweet and full of promise, and maybe he made up that last part but it’s the only way he can make himself leave.

\----

They write letters.

She writes the first one, says it’s to make up for all the letters she should have wrote while he was in prison, that she wants to keep in touch and that she misses him already. So he writes her one back, just a short, simple note about how he’s doing well and yeah, he misses her too.

It becomes a ritual of sorts between them. He gets a letter every second Sunday, so he has time to write her back before she writes another. They don’t call, or text, or e-mail. He likes this better, actually. He can say a lot of things he might never say out loud in a letter, and it’s cathartic and simple and he likes that it’s kind of their thing.

She writes him a letter in May, two weeks before her graduation, and says she wants him to be there, and he’s packing a bag and cranking his truck before he’s even finished reading it. 

He sits with her family and watches her walk across that stage and he claps and cheers and whistles because _she did it_ , and he’s so damn proud of her, and maybe it really was worth it for him to let her go four years ago. 

They go to dinner with her family and then she drags him to that little hole in the wall for a beer. They play pool and darts and laugh about nothing and he lets her kiss him because it’s her night and she should have whatever she wants, and if what she wants is him, well, who is he to deny her that?

\----

Lyla Garrity moves back to Dillon on a Tuesday morning in August and wakes him up with a loud knock on his front door.

He had no idea she was coming home, didn’t even know she was considering it. They’ve continued writing letters for the last two months, but they text now, too, and there’s even a night in July when he calls her after a few too many beers with Billy and leaves a message on her voice mail about how much he misses her. 

And now here she is, standing on his front porch in her cutoff denim shorts and his old Panthers t-shirt (he wonders how many times she’s worn it and thought of him over the years) and he doesn’t know what to _say_ , so he just kisses her, and it’s like his world has been blurry for the last four years and it all just snaps back into focus.

\----

She’s staying with her dad, for the time being, but she spends almost every night at his place, even when school starts and she has to be up at the fucking crack of dawn. It only takes a few weeks before all her stuff is at his place anyway, so they call it what it is and then they’re living together. He gets used to waking up early enough to make her a cup of coffee and kiss her goodbye, and he grumbles about it, but really, it’s the best part of his day.

He’s coaching offense for the Panthers now, teaching P.E. to fulfill his teaching requirement and whipping the young guns into shape in the afternoons after school. Lyla’s teaching second grade at the elementary school right down the road, and she always, _always_ comes to practice in the afternoons and sits in the stands and watches him work.

They’re sitting on the porch swing watching the sunset one night, drinking beer and enjoying one another’s company, and he asks her if she’s happy.

(What he’s really asking is if she regrets coming back to Dillon, if she misses the city life and her fancy college friends, if she ever wants more than a small town life with her high school boyfriend.) 

She just smiles, plants one on him and says, _I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted right here in Dillon_.

It’s funny, because he’s said that a thousand times since he came back to town four years ago, and it’s never sounded better than it does when she says it.

\----

Tim Riggins proposes to Lyla Garrity on a rainy day in April while they’re cleaning Skeeter’s muddy pawprints off the kitchen floor.

How romantic.

But he looks over at her, the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors with a smudge of mud on her cheek and he just knows.

 _Marry me, Lyla._  

 _Okay_ , she shrugs, and she shrieks with laughter when he tackles her, and then he kisses that spot on her neck, right underneath her jaw, and she’s not laughing anymore.

He buys her a pretty diamond ring because he’s been saving for a while, and he can afford to buy her nice things, and because she deserves it for putting up with him for the rest of her life. It’s the least he can do, really.

\----

They say their _I do_ ’s in a small little ceremony in their backyard, and it’s just her dad and his brother and Mindy and Stevie and the twins and Street and Erin and Noah and Becky and Luke and Buddy Jr., but it’s perfect, their whole little world all in one place.

They dance together in front of their world, she in her pretty white dress and he in his suit and tie.

They dance together again that night in their kitchen at 2 am, and they’re both barefoot and she’s wearing nothing but his dress shirt and there’s no music, but he thinks it’s a perfect start to the rest of their lives together. 

\----

They decide they want a baby just six months after they’re married.

It takes a lot longer than they thought, and it’s a lot of doctors and specialists and wondering _why_ and not getting any answers, but they finally get their wish after two long years of trying and hoping and praying. 

Ellie comes out screaming and she’s definitely got his stubborn streak, but she’s his little girl and she’s everything he never knew he wanted until this very moment. She’s half of him and half of Lyla and she’s absolutely perfect.

\----

They have their first real fight when Ellie’s six weeks old and he walks out the door before he says something he regrets. 

He doesn’t even remember what the fight is about, to be honest. They’re both exhausted and sleep-deprived and having a baby is _hard_ , it’s harder than he ever thought it would be. But he knows it’s been harder on her, staying home with the baby while he goes to work. She loves their baby girl but she misses her job, and she feels guilty about it, and he feels guilty that he’s away from them all day, and it’s all just _hard_.

He walks half a mile down the dirt road, just long enough to clear his head, before he turns around and heads for home.

She’s rocking Ellie in the glider in the nursery when he walks in, and there are tears on her cheeks, and she whispers a tearful apology, so he responds in kind. He leans down to kiss her, kneels down beside the glider and kisses his baby girl, and he decides no matter what happens, he can deal with it, as long as he has his girls.

\---- 

Sundays are his favorite. 

Over the last few years, Sunday dinners at their place have become a tradition. Billy and Mindy bring Stevie and the twins, and Becky brings Luke because they’re _married_ now, and Buddy closes the bar down early so he can be there, too. They eat a good meal and then send the kids outside to play, and they’ll sit around the table and chat and play cards and maybe even watch a little football if it’s on.

His favorite part is the feeling he gets when everyone’s gone home and Ellie’s asleep and he has his wife to himself. They sit out on that porch swing and watch the sunset, he with his beer and she with her glass of wine, and they talk and laugh and just be together. Lyla gives him that look, and it’s a look he’s become familiar with over the last few years. It says he’s given her the life she’s always wanted, and he knows with all his heart that _this_ is the way it’s supposed to be.

He’s got everything he’s ever wanted here in Dillon, just like he always knew all along.

 

\----

_fin_

 


End file.
